Andrei Podell

I was browsing through Facebook looking for old friends.  I searched Andrei’s name figuring he was probably using the site and wondered what he was up to these days.  Then I came upon the group in memorial for him.  I stopped and read it very slowly and carefully, he died, what, how could I not know!  We both lived in Santa Rosa and spent two inseparable years together just six years ago.  I was saddened that I had missed his memorial, I would have liked to have been there.  My heart goes out to all of his family.  I witnessed how much he was loved by all of you during our time together.  We had many good times together.  He was a truely sweet person.  He brought me flowers everytime he came down from Pacificia to spend time with me in Santa Cruz.  We liked cooking dinner for each other.  He was always interested in new things and going new places.  We went our separate ways in late 2002 and I always wished the best for him and I knew he did the same for me.  He will be truely missed by this world.   My good thoughts and prayers to all of you.  Rachel

This post is from Dr. Aubrey Degnan who ministered the ceremony which celebrated Andrei’s lie.  She wrote this message the morning of his memorial.

Dear Soul of Andrei,

‘Tis the dawn of your memorial

Truly a Celebration of Your Life

The sun is rising over the golden pond in our valley

Beauty being expressed by God

Indeed you were a lover of beauty

And on this day through my eyes

You can see the golden light reflecting

Upon the multitude of blades of grass.

Thus I promise you each day

I will call your soul and share with you life’s joys, peace, and love

For you love life, love sharing, love communicating

You are a joyous energizer in the lives of many you have known

Bringing them creativity, passion, and hope

You give this spark of possibility

Awakening in others their visions and their dreams.

Wherever you are traveling

Know that I love you

We love you

And thank you for the precious moments we have shared.

Aubrey

This post is from Bita Faraz, a dear soul who was one of my favorite students when I was on the faculty at San Francisco State University.  She was also one of my Teaching Assistants, part of a structure I had established to continue working with advanced students, to better serve Ihe students enrolled in my courses.

Andrei was my very first Teaching Assistant one summer, on vacation from UC, Santa Cruz.  The experience was so positive for both of us that I was encouraged to set up a structure for ten to fourteen students every semester thereafter.  Bita was one of the special people who made it for a couple of semesters.

Bita wrote the following on October 4th, the day of the Memorial for Andrei. I am posting her writing under my name until Stefan, who is on the road, can settle down and make Bita an author on this site.

it has been two months since Andrei has been transferred to another space in time. reading all the memories of him, i find myself once again inspired by his life. the legacy that he has left behind, like a gentle breeze moving from one leaf to another, ever so smooth, touching people’s lives… proving once again the greatest miracle of life - making a difference in each other’s heart and mind.

years ago when i met dear Marcelle she would speak of Andrei and Stefan. the stories always inspired me to move toward something greater in my life, like a gentle lesson or a nudge, they settled deeply inside my heart.

i met Andrei once, as i was leaving dear Marcelle’s house, although the encounter lasted only few minutes, maybe even seconds, I remember his smile, and open heart and how gracious he was. i also remember his eyes filled with love for “human-kind”, something i was encountering for the first time in a man’s eyes….

Thank God for Andrei’s life….

“Did i learn to be kinder
to be more patient
and more generous
more loving
more ready to laugh
and more easy to accept honest tears?
if i accept those legacies of my departed beloveds, i am able to say, thank you to them for their love and thank you to god for their lives.” (by Maya Angelou, “Letter to My Daughter”)

deep embrace and love to the beloved hearts that sting deeply today….
Bita

Andrei…

We had your memorial today. Marcelle recreated the altar from her home with your ashes, and lots of great pictures of you. Aubrey was the perfect leader, and the slideshow turned out great. A lot of people spoke, and….wow. And it was so nice to meet your sister and the friends that I had never met before. After the speaking, and the mingling, and the food…..Caity and Stefan and I stood outside and just said, “It was perfect.”

I guess the only thing that would have made it more perfect is if you could have been there. Physically, I mean. But I guess that feeling is not any different from any other day that I wish for you to be near me again.

The poem I read for everyone today….it seemed like exactly what you would be saying. I couldn’t even read it all the way through to myself this morning, and I didn’t think that there was any way I would make it through standing in front of everyone. My hands were shaking, but I made it through.

Andrei’s Poem (based on the poem Epitaph by Merritt Malloy)

When I die, if you weep

Cry for someone walking the street beside you

And when you need me, put your arms around others

And give to them what you need to give to me

When you need me, look for me

In the people I’ve known or loved

I’ve left you something

Something better than words or sounds

And when you want to show me your love

You can love me the most by letting hands touch hands

and souls touch souls

You can love me most by sharing your joys

and multiplying your kindnesses

You can love me most by letting me live in your deeds

and not on your mind

And when you think of me, remember what our hearts know

Love doesn’t die.

People do.

So when all that’s left of me is love,

Give me away.

I guess the only thing left to say, for today anyway, is to again say thank you for all that you are, all that you give….every single person who met you was a better person for it. And for me….the last 5 years of my life were truly blessed. I love you.

~M

Andrei my firiend, it pains me beyond words to have missed your memorial. You know the situation and I won’t lament about not being able to travel from Florida, but rather I prefer to celebrate in spirit with all those who are gathered at this very moment to honor your life. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know your family and regret we didn’t all get together while you were here.

In the two months since you left our world, you’ve touched people in ways you can’t imagine. Many of our colleagues have shared with me how they’ve begun to ask themselves and each other, “What would Andrei suggest we do?”

Our team has struggled greatly during this time of transition. As you and I discussed many times, I believe firmly in our mission and the divine calling upon my life to complete it. You had been very specific about top priority tasks which needed to be completed in a timely manner and you’ll be happy to know that we’re fast approaching their completion. It’s been incredibly painful to do it without you, but continue on we will.

I miss you my friend. I miss our late night brainstorms and our entrepreneurial jam sessions — we could really riff off each other! So many times I’ve yearned to grab the phone and pickup the conversation we had on August 4th. Your ideas were awesome. But alas, that’s not to be in this life, but praise God I believe we’ll have all eternity to continue where we left off.

Rest easy my friend.
Steve

Kourosh’s post reminded me that I had promised Marcelle to share my experience of the night that Andrei passed. Coincidentally (or not), my computer wouldn’t power up immediately after Andrei passed, and has been inop ever since.

Sunday night (August 3rd) I had a dream that a nurse had told me that my girlfriend Lyndsey was pregnant. I thought it was pretty funny (since neither one of us can procreate) but when I told Lyndsey, she was shocked and horrified and told me that pregnancy dreams mean “somebody is going to die”. I didn’t think much about it, since it was just a dream, but she was sure that someone we knew would be affected.

The next night, early that Tuesday morning, I had another dream. I was in the kitchen and opened the cupboard where we keep our spices. Inside on the shelf was a large cereal bowl, tipped on its side, overflowing with ground black pepper. I felt a profound need to right the bowl and clean the mess of the spilt pepper, but as I reached towards the bowl an unseen force pulled me backwards. I remember feeling helpless and hopeless as I slowly spun and fell, away from the cupboard. In slow motion, I was falling and flailing, reaching for the countertop to try to stop my fall, but I couldn’t quite reach the counter. Spinning ..  falling … flailing … it was an unbelievably hopeless feeling. I awoke just before sunrise feeling a deep sense of loss.

I didn’t tell Lyndsey about this dream, because I was sure she would assign some cosmic meaning into it. Little did I know that she would have been right. When Debbie called me that evening, I knew before I picked up the phone that she would have bad news. I never imagined that it would be Andrei. 

Andrei’s energy reached all the way to Colorado when he passed.  I think the spilt pepper was Andrei - he may have come to me like that because whenever I think of him, I picture him with black stubble on his face. I also associate Andrei with spices, not only because of his love of cooking, but also because of the time he spent in Greece with his uncle (who I think is a spice exporter?).

Mark Clintsman

I was visiting again, traveling on business from the east coast. Arrived SFO, picked up my rental car, and drove from the frenetic to the pacific, Marcelle’s home, where Andrei had prepared an abundant, wonderful meal. Without his uttering a word, I knew that Andrei had put his all into it, freely, and with a smile. It was an unseflish act of brotherly love. It was an honor.

At 10 o’clock the night after Andrei passed, while sitting down reading e-mails, I yelled out Andrei for no apparent reason. Half an hour later I went to get a glass of water from the kitchen and the light in the living room was on. This is the room where Andrei had spent most of the time while visiting our house several months earlier. It was quite unusual because no one had been in that room for two days.

I was very cold at that moment. Again the only thought in my head at that instant was Andrei.

I was very cold.

Since then, this has occurred on several occasions. Light randomly turning on in a room far removed from the rest of the house that we hardly ever use. Every time I think, Andrei is visiting.

My electrician who installed the light less than a year ago assures me that there is nothing wrong with the circuit or the fixture.

I truly believe that even though Andrei’s body no longer has the energy, that the energy did not disappear.

For what I may be getting to share of his immense energy, I am grateful and honored.

I first met Stefan and Andrei in 1974 when my aunt Marcelle and her family came to visit us in Detroit. Although my cousins and I were a generation apart it was neat having them with us for those several days. I was immediately taken by Andrei’s ever-present smile. We’d reconnect from time to time over the years, either in California or the east coast, and his signature smile was always present.  And now, when I look at these wonderful pictures of Andrei posted on the website, it’s great to see him happy and smiling. That’s how I’ll always remember my cousin Andrei.

To Marcelle, Stefan, and Jerry,

Although I only was able to know Andrei for a short amount of time, it was very apparent, very quickly, what a special “firebrand” he was.  I felt so fortunate that Andrei chose to work with me and the team at  Contractors Business School. He brought so much, both professionally and personally.  I always left my phone calls with him feeling energized and hopeful.  I miss him so …

I can only begin to imagine your loss.

I am sorry …My thoughts are with you every day

Jayme